Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
