you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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