Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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