So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
