Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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