Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
