Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize