she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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