Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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