when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
