So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
