I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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