It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
