Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
