I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
