They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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