dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
