I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
