fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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