Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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