the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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