4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
