You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
