The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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