His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
