She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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