Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Mom said you looked used
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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