someone threw a dead crab at me
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
