I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
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