Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
