If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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