TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
