I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
