I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
