I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
