I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
