What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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