I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize