i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
