I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my hands just texted you
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
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