sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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