We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
