me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Enjoy the penises
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
