Got a toothbrush?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
