As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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