I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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