I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You smell like a Billy Joel song
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
