Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
