Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
