Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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