go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
