Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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