whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
