roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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