You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
