last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
