If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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