The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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