i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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