I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
