I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
