I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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