I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
