Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
