All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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