omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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