Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
