your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
