I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
