I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
