apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
