you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I need a beard to bite.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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