Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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