I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
