i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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