Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
