I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
